Dear Client...

Dear Client,
You are my third client today who has had their girlfriend go apes*#t on them for "no apparent reason", slap them around and then call the police when they tried to defend themselves after "everything was cool" between you two just hours before. You're also my third client today who has said this isn't the first time this has happened. If you are all to be believed, then either you are all dating the same girl, or you're all attracted to crazy ass women. Either way, it's probably a good idea for you to break up with her. PMS is real.- PD

Dear Client

Dear Client,
I understand that you thought another driver spit on you through your open window while you were both sitting in traffic, but it was a really bad idea for you to get out of the car and go up to different cars waving a hammer and cursing in Korean. You're lucky the judge agreed to release you instead of ordering a mental health exam. Much love- PD

P.S. It was raining that day, wasn't it?

Dear Client...

Dear Client,
You're charged with stopping several lone male drivers outside of a gay club for the purpose of engaging in prostitution. The paperwork tells me that you're a 47 year old man and this is your first arrest. I don't know why, but I believe you when you tell me you weren't stopping them, they were stopping you and you were just waiting outside the club for your friends. I also appreciate you being so forthcoming with me as this is a pretty awkward situation for both of us, I'm sure. Signed- PD

P.S. That's a really nice dress you have on.